Today....second round.

He called today.

He's still with her, and that still means next to nothing to me.

I still love him.

He's still my best friend. He's still the weird boy from Kansas I met in ninth grade, the only one who loved MCR as much as me, the wild, hyper, happy-go-lucky driver. The bad-yet-good driver, the funniest joker,the best shoulder in the world to cry on. And he still knows who I am. He hasn't forgotten me, and I haven't given up on him.

His message was the first thing I saw when I woke up this morning. And I have decided that I will not let him fade away again. I read a quote today that said; "Let no one who loves be unhappy....even love unreturned has its rainbow."--J.M. Barrie

So, if the world turns out to be less perfect than a fairytale, I vow to still be there for him. Things happen-life happens-and you don't always get what you want. She gets him? Okay. I can live with that. She makes him happy, and if I begrudge him happiness I shame the very word "friend". Even if I can't have him, how lucky am I just to have him in my life?

I'm not sure if or when I'll ever let him go, but I know that I will be the best friend to him that he is to me; I'll be the best shoulder to cry on, his hyper, happy-go-lucky counterpart, his adventure buddy. Not being with him doesn't equal total unhappiness.

At least, that's what I keep telling myself. I will try. I will try so, SO hard to believe that. I will cry when I need to, laugh when I want to, and I'll be damned if I can't be just as important to him as her.

But I am so afraid.

Say Anything About God

I just finished reading a Say Anything article in the November issue of AP.

I loved it.

It was pretty small--about a page and a third, if you take the pictures out--but it said a lot. It touched on how Max Bemis, mouthpiece and leader for the band, has gone through various shitty struggles, like drug problems, public meltdowns (he spat in peoples' food at a restaurant in NYC), being hospitalized for bipolar disorder, and finally getting out of an awful, soul-sucking three year long relationship to reveal that he's over all that and in a better place.

The best part? He totally gave a shout-out to God. He said one of the coolest quotes about God's love and dear friends/family's love I've ever heard:

"At this point in my life, as much as I still can get my feelings hurt, I've learned [to recognize] the people who love me. I love myself and God's love [for] me, so I don't really need every single person to love me."

Amen, Max.

The first reason I thought this was so cool is because he's gone from not believing at all to realizing that God does exist, and He does love everyone. The second is because for the past few years, the only openly spiritual people who were constantly talking about God were Underoath.

Now, I like Underoath's music, and I respect the fact that they're open about their beliefs, but that's where my admiration and respect end. They are horribly holier-than-thou in their attitudes, going so far as to completely turning their backs on a band member when he had a serious cocaine problem and needed help. They just left him in complete darkness. I was horrified when I read that. WWJD? Well, he sure as hell wouldn't have left anyone, much less a close friend, alone in their most desperate time of need. The most appalling part of that article was that NO ONE showed any sign of thinking their reaction to his drug use was disgusting, unacceptable, and the most un-Christian behavior they could have possibly displayed.

So the fact that someone whom I've always admired and thought was so cool is open and adamant about his beliefs, while still being open minded, is awesome. He also said something else near the end of the article about how he feels he should live:

"I have better things to do with my time than to be the typical tortured artist. There are political systems and sociological mechanisms that could literally destroy this earth. My grandkids could be dead from us not taking care of this world and of each other. If I'm going to be trying to live this stupid, kvetching life, it's a waste of time. It's a waste of what God gave me."

So that's 2 God shout-outs and 0 put-downs. That, ladies and gents, is how I prefer my heroes to act; like actual heroes.

So, Mr. Bemis: you rule, God loves you, and I'm even more of a superfan than before. Keep kicking ass and living life.